For the first time since December of 2018, I’ve missed my weekly long run. While training, for most of us, has always had its ebbs and flows, and spikes and dips in motivation (and mileage), right now many athletes are struggling to find a new normal and grapple with the emotional weight of the global pandemic that is COVID-19.
For me, I’m now working at home until our shelter in place order is lifted, and that means no social interactions with co-workers, no morning routine, no lunchtime runs to the riverfront, and no beloved spin classes after work. The first week of riding this out, I forced myself to accomplish daily goals in order to feel some sense of normalcy and achievement. These goals vacillated between walking the pup, to doing a weights workout, to running (again) or sticking to my prepped meals (versus eating half a jar of peanut butter). I slogged through four or five absolutely miserable runs, including a virtual half marathon that I had no desire to do, before I questioned why I was forcing myself to run at all.
A running friend of mine recently shared an article from Harvard Business Review that I found to be extremely powerful. It suggested that, what we, as a global, human community have been feeling among the chaos, turmoil, and uncertainty surrounding the Corona Virus and the devastation it is leaving in its wake, is GRIEF. Collective grief.
We understand now, more than ever before, that our world is changing.
We are feeling the stress of loved ones that have been deemed “essential” as they go out to fight on the front-lines of this epidemic or as they risk exposure by having to report to work. We are feeling the economic uncertainty as small businesses struggle and hardworking folks get laid off. We are watching the world mourn the loss of its citizens. That is heavy. And we are carrying that weight in our minds, our hearts, and our bodies. No wonder my runs have felt like I’ve been carrying 2,000 pounds on my back.
The silver lining about grief is that it is a process, not a destination.
It is something we move through, not somewhere we end up. And the journey may look different for each athlete. If, for example, you are in the denial stage where you haven’t really come to terms with the fact that this virus is devastating communities all over the world and you don’t think your routine is that jacked up now, you may declare that you shall run a marathon every single day for the rest of the year! You will have this be the best thing to ever happen to you and your fitness!
If you find yourself, like me, more in the sadness phase of grief, you may miss some workouts, make an unnecessarily large batch of cookies, eat them while staring into the void, and skip your long run for the first time in over two years.
There is no right or wrong way for an athlete to move through grief.
So feel the feels. Listen to your body and what it needs on this day, in this moment. Be open to what may come up tomorrow as it may be different. And show yourself, your loved ones, and your global community some grace. We are in this together, after all. And we are gonna get through it by remembering that.
